I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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