like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
