Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
whose ass print is on the piano?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
