CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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