Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
