I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
