cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
