Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
