As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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