he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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