and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
