sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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