my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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