On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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