In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
