Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
