I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
