But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
