Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
