I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
