I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
