I faked an abortion last night.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
