This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
