I am puke
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
