Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
