The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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