i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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