In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
