I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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