she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
