i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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