He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he thought i was a dude.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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