yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
