Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You ate ashes out of my bong
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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