We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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