Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
