I bet he comes in French.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
