At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
