Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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