i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
