What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
