I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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