great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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