your thong is hanging out like whoa
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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