All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
