My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In other news, I just burned my penis
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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