GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
