im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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