You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
