Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
