I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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