It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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