Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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