How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
