This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
